January 3, 2013 by Kirsty Kianifard
This is a HUGE topic for me and I am going to be honest right from the start, it is not something I always find easy and I have been procrastinating over this particular blog post for some time. With it being the new year I felt it was the right time to put pen to paper over this so please be kind :)
Being nonjudgmental and accepting people for who they are without trying to change them is a clear aim for all of us, right? But what if something comes up that just really doesn’t feel right? What if someone says or does something that is just completely against what you feel is right? And even more, what if trying to accept this ‘thing’ makes you go against your own beliefs and instincts and makes you feel uncomfortable inside?
Well, the obvious answer would be send this person or scenario lots of love and go your separate ways.
That was easy … NOT! Sometimes these situations arise in your workplace, family, friends or business relationships and there is just no way to simply remove yourself from what is slowly becoming a rather toxic environment.
Ta-dah … this is when the magical ‘acceptance’ siren goes off in your head but you realise this is pushing your levels of acceptance way out of your comfort zone.
So, what do you do?
If you just accept what is happening and continue to carry out the pleasantries then it feels like you are rather undermining your values and not standing up for your beliefs. It makes you feel like you aren’t being your authentic self in their presence.
The big conundrum is, not accepting them at all and putting up a fight every time you encounter them doesn’t sit well with you either and this actually makes life pretty miserable for you both.
There has to be a middle ground, a way to manage this uncomfortable situation whilst staying true to yourself until, well it just becomes a whole lot more comfortable … and it has to one day, right?
The trick is, how can we make this work for us rather than against us?
Well, I am outing myself here as this is a tricky one for me, but here goes:
- Try to find some common ground, there must be something you agree on or have in common?
- Realise that any hurtful behaviour is coming from some resistance in their heart so don’t retaliate as this will only close yours. Send them lots of love.
- See this as your greatest challenge yet. If you pride yourself on giving and loving then challenge yourself to beat the ego’s ‘pride’ and make it your aim to heal or help this person.
- Understand that this process is teaching and showing you things you need to learn so be grateful for this. Gratitude is one of the most powerful mind sets to be in.
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and tips on this topic and I will leave you with this quote from Marianne Williamson that inspired me to write this post:
“What’s difficult in life is to stay centred when somebody does or says something that tempts us to close our hearts because their heart was closed. That is hard. But that is also how we grow. We go through those circumstances in order to evolve into people who can hold on to our loving centre no matter what the world throws”
Love and acceptance for all that is,