Are you in a relationship with yourself?

Hands up, who has had or is having problems in a relationship? Thought so!

hands up

Relationship problems with others consume a HUGE amount of our time and energy. But, what about the relationships we have with ourselves? Sounds a bit egotistical, right? Just hear me out …

I would like to suggest that the relationships we have with ourselves are rarely thought about, honoured or even acknowledged. So, lets take this a bit deeper. What do I mean by a relationship with ‘ourselves', the ‘self', or ‘yourself'?

When my clients present me with a problem, it more often than not is about someone else. Perhaps a difficult situation with another which has left them wondering how to build, break or accept an uncomfortable situation that has surfaced. Now, I am not only talking about romantic relationships here, these relationships can be with a friend, a mother, a father, a child, a colleague and so on.

The problem (or piece of magic) then is that by the time they are in the treatment room with me, I cannot work on the other person, I can only work with their ‘self' and the relationship they have with ‘themselves'!

So, for me, this internal relationship is paramount in the healing of an external union.

I often see inner turmoil as my clients become frustrated by their own behaviour in said situation or even in general day-to-day interactions. Some people want to be more positive but feel they have been dealt a tough hand in life. Some want to be noticed more but can't seem to open up enough to truly shine. Others simply want more love but are too ashamed or nervous to ask for it.

The fact is, it's in getting to know your true ‘self' (the good, the bad and the unusual) that we can begin to develop the relationship that exists between them all. You see, if you look at life's many different guises as an example of the many personality traits that lie within us all, you begin to understand that there are not ‘negative traits' only traits that make us who we are right now.


Still wondering why you don't feel at peace with the neediness, anger, resentment and/or jealousy you are feeling? Well, this is the best bit! You will continue to feel uncomfortable with these emotional states until you figure out their purpose. Why are they there and what do they have to teach you?

Instead of becoming frustrated with feeling and reacting so ________ (fill in blank), look deeper and enquire internally and ask yourself why you are feeling and behaving this way? Hey, why not take a break here and write this down!

Next, instead of looking outside of yourself (i.e. to the ‘other' in this scenario) turn the spotlight round and focus on yourself for the antidote. Look for another trait within you that has the ability to reassure and nurture the insecurity your are currently feeding with fear.

As many of you know, I specialise in ‘Chakra healing' so I am going to give you an energetic example here. An imbalance in the Solar Plexus Chakra can cause stomach knots, anxiety attacks, bursts of fear and low self-esteem. We all have this energy, it just varies in intensity from one person to the next. An excess here can often cause a weakness in the ‘Heart Chakra' (the antidote Chakra to the Solar Plexus). Detachment from this fire energy and focus on the air-like heart energy will build understanding, compassion, self-love and self-acceptance, all without the interference from the ‘other' person in this current conundrum.

From this heart-felt place an essence of self-belief, patience and self-worth will prevail and a better perspective of the current situation is achieved.

So, you see, it's on working with the relationships you have with yourself that allows for harmonious, soul-enriching and spirit-fulfilling relationships with others.

From one self to another,

Kirsty xxx

Want to learn more about your strengths and weaknesses? Come and Journey Through the Seven Chakras with me on my next workshop.           This seven week course takes you on a journey through one chakra a week. Beginning at the root and working our way to the crown, we will get to know the beauty of each energy centre and the influence they have on our lives. We will explore techniques and tools that will help us understand where we need more balance and the action needed to get there.                                       Next workshop:  Thurs 23 January – Thurs 6 March                             Click here for more details

Want a 1:1 life coaching session with Kirsty free of charge? Able to get to Brighton and Hove? As part of my life coaching development, I am offering the first five people who get in touch free coaching where we can discuss more of the topics related to this post and other hurdles you wish to overcome.


2 thoughts on “Are you in a relationship with yourself?

  1. Happy new year lovely Debbie.

    It is so great to hear from you and I am glad you liked the post.

    The quote you mention is a very powerful one and I am glad that you feel you are healing from this situation. It can take time but sounds like you are in control 🙂

    I am indeed starting up a meditation group, just waiting to confirm the day and time and will let you know all the details.

    I will send you an email regarding the coaching and Reiki so we can get some dates in the diary.

    All my love and I am really looking forward to working with you again,

    Kirsty xxx

  2. Happy New Year Kirsty.

    Been missing your blog posts, and as always, this one is sooo good.

    Saw your line at the bottom about the life-coaching. If you are still studying and felt like picking up on mine again, I feel ready to, but totally understand and no problem if you don’t. As I mentioned before, I believe I was going through the acceptance/stages of deep grieving for my hope of a family life when I had to stop in the summer. Wasn’t pleasant, but obviously had to come out and I’m in a far better place out on the other side of it now 🙂 I saw this quote a couple of days ago: ‘Sometimes you end up losing yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you’ – which seems exactly what happened to me, so your post struck a chord and would be great to build on finding more of myself with you. But absolutely no problem if you don’t want to.

    Holly mentioned you might do some meditation classes – sounds great if you are? She’s keen to book the reiki 2 soon too. I stopped being able to do it after I got really low, but want to recharge that too, so aim to join her if she can wait for me.

    All the best for 2014

    Debbie x

    Sent from my iPad


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